The Great Temple of Apple

Thursday night the worst possible thing happened. My iPod died! It simply stopped working; a black screen. Honestly, I did everything I could to save it: I pressed the Menu and Select buttons for a full 5 to 8 seconds, I switched the Hold control back and forth until my fingernail was in danger of being bent backwards, I considered mouth to mouth but alas, to my surprise, I could find no mouth. Taking desperate measures I escalated the issue to the next level and made an appointment with the Mac Genius iPod expert at the store on 5th Avenue. I carefully selected the 5:40 time slot considering the length of the journey, crowd density, and subway issues so that I would be able to arrive on time. True to the way of things the subway did have a problem and I was forced to get off several long blocks away from my destination. I hurried along the windy and frozen streets, knowing that if I arrived late they would give my spot away to someone else. It was 5:35 when I entered the Mecca of all that is Macintosh and hurried to the iPod bar. I was early! Success. I was greeted by a smiling energetic person, who was somewhat reminiscent of a Scientologist offering to give people "personality tests" in the subway. I was informed that, yes my appointment was for 5:40 - A.M! (insert stunned pause here) OMG, I was almost exactly 12 hours late! (or early - I never did figure out which) I immediately threw myself upon the mercy of Mac, and the greeter took pity on me. He introduced me to Eyven, a woman higher up in the chain of command - obviously a young goddess in the organization - who made the decision that I would still be given sanction to see a real Mac Genius. I had been granted favor. I was in. The Genius, for his part, quickly looked at my iPod, pushed buttons, hummed a little tune, tapped a pencil on the counter and then took my hand to lead me in prayer over the deceased. With that ministration completed he poked at his keypad with the pencil and handed me a brand new toy. Just like that. I gratefully kissed his ring. As I thanked him and stepped away I was instructed to say a couple of, "Hail Jobs - full of ideas, clever are thy works," and I was released, squinting and bedazzled, into the PC dominated world above.
In conclusion I wish to state for the record that in spite of vicious rumors circulating the net, the great and wondrous Apple is not a cult, and all people who enter the building are exactly the same people when they leave .
Really. . .
We, are the same now.